The Holy Basketball

Every Second Not Playing Is a Sin

I don't know much but I know God cares about only one thing - basketball.

Our holy texts teach us that the world was created as a sphere, based on the original basketball that God made.

My people, the Jutrans, have been playing basketball ever since Masten received the Great Basketball from God at the Holy Court the Jutrans found in the Desert.

How they found a basketball court in the middle of the desert is beyond me, but such is the power of God above.

God commanded us to always play basketball. Never stop. And so we have.

Much of our people have stopped believing in the Great Basketball from God. They don't practice basketball and some even play other sports, like football or baseball! God should have mercy on them. They should know all other sports are rip offs of the Great Basketball.

The purpose of this world is for us Jutrans to play basketball. Our sages teach us that if for one moment, there wasn't someone playing basketball the world would simply collapse. Thank God, I am part of the select few Jutrans holding up the world with my basketball playing.

I've been playing basketball ever since I was ten years old. They slowly brought us up to the level of basketball, starting with passing in first grade, then dribbling, and then finally, in fifth grade, we played the actual game. It was hard at first but as soon as I got used to it, it was incredible.

There's a certain enjoyment in basketball you can't even explain. Only a Jutran, a true basketball player, can understand it. They say, many who left the path and went to other sports eventually came back saying that there's no better enjoyment than a good basketball game.

I've heard there's some liberal Jutrans that allow women to play basketball! Of course that's a sin and we would never allow it. God created woman to help man play basketball. She will get her merit in the next world by sending her children and husband to court. Many women work a whole day so that their husband can come home sweating from great basketball games the whole day. They give up so much for the One Above, just so their children can see a great example of a true basketball player, a true servant of God.

I, thank God, go to one of the top basketball academies in the world. We play basketball 11 hours a day, and we only have the best players. I try to play even past those 11 hours. Hours and hours and hours go by and I'm still playing. People are amazed at my abilities. Thank God, it's all from the one above. Before I play, I say a prayer and have in mind that all the enjoyment should be for heaven and not for me. I know God smiles down on our basketball playing, looks at the angels and says "see how my people play basketball!"

I feel bad for my brother though. He's not very good at basketball and doesn't have the stamina. What's there to do? God made some people have certain tests. He obviously tries anyways and does his best but he gets burned out and ends up lying in his room for weeks at a time without leaving. I think maybe he'll end up going to work, supporting the basketball courts monetarily so he can share in their reward in the world to come. I feel bad though. I know that working is nothing to the enjoyment of playing basketball and really is only a last resort to basketball.

I hope that even if he goes out to work, he will still spend mornings and nights playing basketball. It's a grave sin to not play basketball. One of the biggest sins you can commit. They say that every second you don't play basketball is like committing every evil sin in the world. Of course, if you need a break from basketball it's allowed. And if you're not really cut out for basketball and you need to work then also it's allowed. But how can you really know you need a break? And how can you really know you're not cut out for it? It's really not simple and I don't want my brother committing any sins like that.

But at least my younger brother is still on the court. He still plays basketball and he tries. Then there’s my older brother. I don’t like talking about him. He left the court of basketball to become a doctor. Now, he’s completely off-the-court! He doesn’t study basketball at all. Last night he visited home, and I had the courage to tell him off. How can he not play basketball?! Forget about God, what about this world? The enjoyment of basketball is just so incredible. How can you leave that, knowing what you’re missing. He responded with stupidity. He claimed that what his job as a doctor, saving non-Jutrans in a hospital, was more important than playing basketball. Could you imagine?? More important than playing basketball? Nothing is more important than Basketball. Does he really think that his community of doctors whose lives are meaningless is better than our community, spending our life doing God’s will? What a fool! I ask God to show him the folly of his ways and bring him back on the court soon.

I look forward to the Great Player arriving, when everyone will be able to simply play basketball and enjoy. All the Jutrans will bask in the glory of God and play basketball all day and all night, while the non-Jutrans beg to be our slaves and take care of our daily needs. I can't imagine how amazing that will be. Just basketball. All day. All night. Wow, what a life!