The Time Machine

A Yeshivish Time Loop

I was destined to go off the derech.

My rebbe always told us that pshat in nevuah isn’t just you hear hashem’s voice. Because otherwise how can Avraham want to shecht Yitzchok? Maybe he was imagining the voice. No, pshat is that you know this is hashem speaking to you. You can feel it in your bones. I now knew he was right. I woke up from my dream and had that feeling. I knew my dream was showing me the future. I had seen myself not wearing a yarmulke, in jeans and a tee shirt nebach, and working on Shabbos. I knew I would go off the derech. I had to stop it.

I didn’t understand how this could happen. I wasn’t an am ha’aretz who had never asked himself why he believed in Yiddishkeit. My parents were kiruv professionals who gave me a solid foundation. I could prove Yiddishkeit to anyone who wanted. How could my future self go off the derech? Did he forget all these proofs? Did he just run after tyvahs despite knowing it was wrong? I needed to stop myself. I needed to convince my future self that he’s wrong and Yiddishkeit is avada the emes. I knew what I must do.

I had read eppes a goyish book once, as a kid, that involved a machine that could travel through time. The author said it was takka possible, but it had never been made before. A time machine. That was it! I had to build a time machine. I had to go to the future, talk to my future self, and explain to him why Yiddishkeit is the only possible way and why he had to come back on the derech. Ah, this is what hashem sent me that dream for. I could do this!

The next day I went to the public library. I felt a shtickel awkward in my hat and jacket and I knew my rosh yeshiva wouldn’t approve, but nu nu this was leshem shamayim. I wasn’t here stam for bittul toirah.

“Ah Anschul- I mean, excuse me,” I said to the lady behind the desk, making sure not to be nichshal and chas veshalom look at her. “Do you have a book on time travel.”

“Oh, sure we have plenty. The science fiction section is over there.”

“Science fiction? No, no, ich mein. You don’t understand. I don’t want fiction. I want fact. I need to build a time machine. I need books on time theory, science, math, stuff like that.”

The woman peered at me strangely over her half-moon glasses.

“Young man, you can’t build a time machine,” she admonished me. “That’s impossible. No one’s ever done that before.”

Ha, these goyim. I’m a yeshiva bochur! I learn gemara! Please, you guys don’t know bupkes about what’s possible and what’s not. I guarantee you if a yeshiva bochur put his mind to it, he can build a time machine no problem.

“Ah,” I said with a slight smile on my face. “Well, I understand you think it’s impossible, but I want to research how to build one. So, what books would I start with?”

“I’d start with the science section, I guess,” she said, flustered. “It’s over there.”

She waved me away to the science section and I made my way over.

Wow, so many books here. I didn’t know where to start. Lemysah, I didn’t know jack about science or any of the other secular studies. I never paid attention during English. I needed to start at the beginning. I searched the shelves for something that looked like it would start at the basics of time. What’s pshat in time? Was it a cheftza? Was it all in our head and therefore a din gavra? I needed to know everything. Finally, my eyes caught sight of the perfect title:

A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking.

Geshmak! This was the perfect book to read. I brought it back to the dorms and started it in the bathroom that night. The book opened me to new worlds. It explained what b’etzem is time. I learned all the latest theories of the goyisha scientists and they were mamesh gevaldik. Gradda, though, the book had a shtickel kfirah in it, some major kashyos in Emunah. Ubber, I just ignored those parts and focused on the parts I needed. I figured I’d deal with the kefirah parts after I built this time machine.

The next book I read was based off my first book. I found the mar hamekoimos Hawking used and read all the originals. I mamesh horved over Einstein’s relativity theory and I chapped it. I was learning how time works. I was hopeful. I could definitely build a time machine soon.

After a month of reading all sorts of books, I realized it would take a little bit longer until I could build azah machine. Also, I had some major problems. These books referenced all sorts of kfirah and I punkt wanted to shlug those theories up so I looked into them further. I read Darwin and other koifrim like him. They had some major points. I couldn’t think of any good answers. They had so much evidence. They weren’t just stam narishkeit like I thought. I decided that I needed to go to my rebbeim for these answers so I could stay focused on the task at hand. For some reason though, none of them knew any terutzim. Very mudneh. I knew someone must have the answers though and they recommended me to some kiruv professionals.

Six months passed and by this time I knew so much science it was not shayach. I had left yeshiva and devoted all my time to building the time machine. I now had every theory from every sheigetz on my fingertips. Chochma bagoyim ta’amin! Lemysah geredt, the kashyas on Emunah they brought up though were very shtark. I still hadn’t found anyone to answer my questions and this was takka becoming a problem for me. My mission became double as hard. Not only did I have to build a time machine, I had to come up with answers so I can convince my future self that the Toirah is true. The whole day, I would shteig over these sifrei kefirah and try to figure out this time machine business. Then I would sit up late at night racking my brain to try to come up with answers to all these Emunah kashyas. It was hard work.

Another six months passed and I realized no one had the answers to these Emunah kashyas. I had spoken to every kiruv professional in the book and they were all am ha’aratzim in this sugya. They pashut weren’t holding enough in science to chap why these kashyas shlugged up all their terutzim. It was up to me to come up with the answers. I will save Yiddishkeit from these scientists and then I will travel to my future self and save him too. I could do it, as long as I put my mind to it. My rebbeim always told me I was a ba’al kishron.

After a long time of hard research, I chapped there were no answers. I stopped believing in the Toirah or in Hashem. I started believing in evolution and atheism like all these scientists. I stood in jeans and a tee shirt, hard at work and almost done my time machine, when I realized it was past shkiah on Friday. I was breaking Shabbos. Time had run out…

"You bum!" I suddenly heard. "Stop breaking shabbos!"

I looked up and saw me. An older me. Coming out of a large time machine, wearing a hat and jacket and looking at me with fiery eyes.

"You think you have kashyas on yiddishkeit?" he asked me. "No! You don't have any kashyas. Come, I'll explain to you why these are all boich svaras and the toirah has the emes."

My future self sat me down and explained everything. He showed me why the toirah was true, why all the questions I had weren't good questions.

" Ah shkoyach," I exclaimed. "Wow, you really came up with all the answers!"

"No, you did! And now I saved you from going off the derech for a bunch of dumb kashyas."

"Hahaha," I heard another voice cackle. "You think you saved him,"

It was me again. An even older me. Back in jeans and a tee shirt, stepping out of another time machine.

"You're right," he said. "Or should I say I'm right. Anyway, you're wrong! No, not you. The other me! You're wrong! These kashyas are major shlug ups!"

He launched into an explanation of why every teretz my other future self gave was wrong and easily disprovable.

"Goy! Sheigetz!" I heard an old voice croak. It was me again, coming out of yet another time machine. But this time I was an old man with a long beard and back in a hat and jacket.

"Don't tell him such Krum svaras. All these supposed questions you have on these answers are weak. I will tell you all the answers to these questions on the answers."

He then gave a whole shiur klali about why everyone was wrong and he was right.

"These are my answers to my questions?" The older otd version of myself said incredulously. "You were fooled in your old age. Your mind must have went weak."

"No, no," the frum older me insisted. "These are good answers."

At this point I didn't know what to think.

"Enough!" I said. "Enough! Forget it. I'm not going to build a time machine after all."

"Nooooooo!" They all screamed, and disappeared into the ether.

I sat on the floor, alone and confused. Would I become those different versions of me, back and forth the rest of my life? No! I stood up. I will go forth and find out the truth. And I made the first step in my journey.